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INTRODUCING, WOMEN MORE!

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INTRODUCING, WOMEN MORE!

Amidst the everyday tasks society expects women to perform, deep inside every woman lies a series of questions pertaining to how they could follow through on innate personal goals they have that even sometimes, they can’t express.

Women More is an event and series of continued after-event conversations between women for the upliftment of one another to do what they’ve always wanted to do.

78 Designs was hired to create promotional posters and copy for the event coming up on June 21st, 2018.

Below is the created copy that was posted with the main poster of the event. The message contained was so powerful and relatable with plenty of women who came across the ad and they connected to it with nearly 300 of them calling, texting and commenting on their interest in the event.

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ATTENTION LADIES!!!

EVERY WOMAN CAN BE A SUPERWOMAN. HERE’S WHY>>>>

Funke is the regular Nigerian woman who is constantly stressed with societal demands of getting a job or starting a business to getting married, raising children, catering to husband’s needs and sometimes playing both roles of mum and dad.

In all these, her energies are sapped. Drained like a sponge! At times she wonders, “Does the society know how difficult it is to be a woman today?”

“Does the society realize that despite all we are expected to be, we also have deep feelings of pursuing personal, impactful goals capable of making the world a better place for all women, regardless their circumstances?”

Thoughts of these troubled her and she never really got around it. But, deep inside her, lurks a burning desire.

In cities, towns and villages, there’s a Funke in every Nigerian Woman yearning to make her input in the world.

Before now, women had no place to search for the realization of those personal goals they have. Two years ago, a conversation was initiated to bring us together and empower each other as women. That movement was called Women More!

This year the conversation with its empathic theme “Building Your Health, Wealth & Overall Well-being As A Woman” takes us to Abuja on June 21st, 2018 at Hatlab Place, Plot 1952, Sokolade Crescent, Zone 5, Wuse.

Women More calls for interested ladies to register and join in a fulfilling experience of a lifetime in this year’s conference with wholesome accompanying benefits such as expanded networks, access to funding, free mentorship and travel opportunities, shopping discounts, free health awareness lectures, free meals and home management advisory services and most of all, exclusively branded WomenMore products.

Call or Whatsapp 0806-2533-644 now to register for available slots.

#TOGETHERALLWOMENCANEXCEL #WOMENMORE2018

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OGBENI CALM DOWN!!!!

calm down

I sat wearily in the bus in an angle 90 position in hopes I won’t stain the back of my shirt today as sweat beads rolled down my face and I struggled to wipe them with my ‘it-was-white’ hanky.

 

Ah!!! Obalende! CMS! Lekki-Chisco-Katé! Lekki-Jakande! The conductors and agberos called out the destinations to prospective passengers walking by as their voices creaked, croaked and bleated like an opera of crickets, frogs and goats. They seemed to be in a competition to outdo each other in getting their buses filled, so it was a gabbling staccato instead.

 

I had sat for 20 minutes and mine was yet to fill because people came and left cussing below their breaths when they heard Ajah to Obalende was N350 instead of N250. The scorching sun of 11 AM seemed to be on a mission to drain a fine boy’s energy like mine out and not too long, I slept off.

 

“Comot there! Make people wey hold money enter motor. You no dey see fuel queue wey long pass Samson hair abi?” The conductor of my bus barked at someone and I was jolted to consciousness. When I looked around, my bus was nearly filled with the only seat beside mine empty. I looked at the door and behold it was the prettiest daughter of Eve my jaded eyes have ever seen on planet earth arguing with the conductor.

 

“It is N250 I am paying. Don’t be greedy Mr Conductor.” “Sweessh”, the conductor hissed and stretched his arm to call someone else. Wearing only a singlet, his armpit looked like the bush track Mungo Park walked through on his Niger expedition. Clearly, that armpit hadn’t romanced a shaving stick in donkey years.  Chioma Ajunwa could actually take a swing from its twig-like hair and win another gold for us…Up Naija 2018 my thoughts raced.

 

However, being the kind, smooth-criminal I am, I quickly offered to pay N100 from my borrowed T-fare money for this fantastic daughter of Eve in hopes I could get her number later and she stepped in, pushing the conductor slightly as she sat.

 

Vroom! Vu-Vroom!! The bus’ engine roared and we exited Under-bridge Ajah.  Getting to VGC, behold, the fuel queue at North West petrol station was indeed longer than Buhari’s looters’ list.

 

“Hmmm”, I exhaled and shook my head. “God please let me not miss this interview.” I silently prayed.

 

“Gala, Lacasera. Gala, Lacasera.” The hawkers shouted as they swarmed us with their wares. I swallowed saliva hard when I saw how chilled the drinks were and the sausage rolls looking all puffed like they just finished weightlifting.

 

I wished I could buy and eat given how hungry I was and my intestinal worms already dancing shaku-shaku but it meant I would trek back from Ikoyi to Ajah after my interview and I wasn’t ready to join the list of corporate beggars today.

 

“Hey”, a sweet, feminine voice called out. “Please gimme 2 gala and one lacasera with boiled egg.” I turned and saw that it was the almighty chick I completed her bus fare earlier ordering what was even above the N100 I paid for her and acting so cool like she wasn’t the one arguing with the conductor.

 

Good Lord! I yelped. “If you had money for this, why couldn’t you pay the N100?” I asked her. She just frowned and retorted, “Ogbeni, calm down. Did I force you to pay?”

 

“Hahahaha, Kikikiki.” The passengers erupted in laughter, as the fuel queue eased and the bus moved.

Brands’ Conceptual Copies

“I dream every day of being a creative director for some brands.

As a way of letting the universe know my wish and who knows, grant it to me soonest, here are some conceptual copies I wrote for a few of such brands.

Enjoy and leave a comment.”

bond nolita

There’s This World I See When I Look Into Your Eyes.

A Blissful World For U & I.

In It I Just Wanna Live In Your Arms…Saved Forever By Your Love.

Take Me, Rush Over Me, Love Me…

Bond No. 9 Nolita (Eau de Parfum) and Lipstick Duo

 

desire]When I see you, I feel an explosion of joy bursting through my heart, racing faster than the speed of light- which only you could stop by your blazing, yet soothing presence.

…I need you.

Desire by D & G

 

durexThe first time we kissed, I looked into your starry eyes and imagined a thousand fantasies with you. At that moment, I knew I just exited friend zone.

Durex…Get Closer!

THE SCREENPLAY MASTER CLASS

 

screenscreen certificates stanley

(Originally written and posted by me on my Facebook page on 11th July 2017 to promote the Screenplay Master Class I participated in, in May 2017).

                            ATTENTION! WRITERS NEEDED

Are you interested in spectacular film-making, great copywriting or mind-blowing storytelling?

Then the coming Screenplay Master Class of October 2017 is absolutely made for you.

With in-depth lessons and practicals from the basics of beginning a stunning story to the finishing of a masterpiece of great admiration, the Screenplay Master Class of October 2017 is perfectly made just for you.

As an alumnus of the class of May 2017, I can shake hands and look you in the eyes and say “My Dear, you need it. For it is an eye-opening, refining experience a writer should have.” After that, you could buy me a drink.

Hurry now and start saving ahead of October 2017. For only 50 grand, you too could participate in this enlightening experience of a lifetime that would fine-tune your writing for mind-shattering stories.

Please add Abu Bello on Facebook and visit www.thescreenplaymasterclass.com to learn more.

Don’t Miss Out!

THE MOSQUITO LADY

 

mosquito

Once upon a night, I passed in a friend’s place; despite my lifelong habit of wearing jean trousers to sleep, hoping I get selected to model for Calvin Klein in my dreams with all the poses I sleep in, by morning my feet itched from plenty mosquito bites.

Tired of scratching them, I exclaimed loudly, “Damn! You could have flit here last night. See all these mosquito bites on me.” Saying that I shook my head sadly.

Surprisingly, instead of her to show a bit of concern, she laughed loudly and said, “Oh, Pretty Stan it’s because you are a visitor.”

Puzzled, I asked why and she said “My mosquitoes don’t bite me. Last night you were sleeping, I saw them buzzing and when one didn’t recognise me and wanted to bite me, their eldest sister told them “Noo! Leave Mama alone. Bite the man snoring like a bird.”

I shook my head in disbelief at what I just heard whilst she kept laughing. Eventually, I told her, “Next time you’ll come to my house and I let my dogs out to shred you, hope you won’t say I’m wicked?”

“Ah!” She exclaimed, “So Stan someone can not play with you? You don’t want me coming to eat your goat meat stew again abi?”

I smirked satisfyingly, knowing I had put the fear of the Holy Ghost in her.

DAWN OF THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

(Awesome Read. In the heat of the Ebola epidemic of 2014, this critical analysis was penned. Some said it spread fear, some said it was enlightening. You decide!)

 

Last year, 2013, having been an avid fan of horror movies and spy-thrillers for several years with a rather keen interest and knowledge in the decimation means of bio and chemical weapons from sarin, mustard gas, smallpox, anthrax, tularemia, brucellosis, Q-fever, ricin, staphylococcal enterotoxin B, botulinum toxin, and saxitoxin etc. I asked a very close friend- David Obasi, a doctor in Federal Medical Centre Owerri, what we would do if ever there was an uncontrolled nosocomial infection of any deadly strain of bacteria or virus, how do we protect ourselves and what would be the remedy? (Nosocomial infections are diseases gotten in a hospital environment with great risks to health-workers)

 

He laughed out loud and said the movies and books we’ve both watched and read are making me amusingly delusional. I pressed further and he said, “Well if that happens and nothing could be done, we should prepare ourselves for the dawn on the Zombie Apocalypse.”

 

Fast-forward to 2014 and we are faced in the West African sub-region of a deadly disease with a 90% fatality rate. Killing its own experts in it, as the case of the Sierra-Leonean doctor- Sheik Umar Khan and the American doctor- Dr Kent Brantly.

 

Imagine if the people Patrick Sawyer met and had contact with while onboard his flight to Lagos and after, which is put at roughly 59 all became infected and started spreading the virus world-over with no known cure or vaccine in sight, doctors for fear of getting infected stops treating people and guess what, due to no education about it, people keep contracting and dying from it…there’s also a chance of a higher, faster killing strain developing from mutation. Turning people to Walking Dead(s) in a few minutes….Gbam!

That could be the much talked about Zombie Apocalypse…What would the rest of the un-infected world do in such case?

 

The use of nuclear warheads to destroy parts of the Red Zones would be quickly agreed by the UN and what happens next? As gory and grim as it may seem, this is a possibility that could happen in this fast-paced world with the disease being spread by bodily fluids, the case of shooting to kill infected people as it happens in the movies would not be an option for fear of spreading by splatter of blood or other bodily fluids. All these traders having a field day selling hand sanitizers, as it outsold in Shoprite Ikeja and other markets where and who would spend your money with you?

 

May GOD please help us, I am concerned to my bones about this Ebola fever thing…I pray this is not the beginning of the Final End.

 

–Ron Stan.

 

Updated: Dr David Obasi now works with the WHO in Sierra Leone.

Recession Koboko

hunger pic

(Image Credit: Chobis Obilonu)

 

I’ve imagined horror stories that scared the Keke Marwa out of my head and filled it with Rolls Royce. Just like I saw a girl at Jakande roundabout one day with a six-headed dragon tattoo on her arm. Still feeling fly. Lord knows I’m a teetotaler but if I was ever wasted and faded on a TGIF outing, her looks were enough to make me piss my pants as I’ll be so frightened thinking the dragon was gonna fly out of her arm and roast my chubby chin…Killing my fine boy looks. Damn!!!

 

Well, sometime in January, I was at a mall in Ajah. I ain’t gonna mention the name of the mall, ‘cause that would be free advertising and they ain’t paid me s**t.

 

I had gone to buy ketchup and as I bent down to select the brand I wanted from the aisle, a female voice seeming to react to a news like her husband had taken a loan from the bank to do MMM and it froze; with the bank now set to possess their house yelled “JEEESUUUUUSSSS”.

 

Instantly, I and other shoppers and attendants looked at her in terrified wonder as she bit her lips. Obviously feeling ashamed from a few seconds of her 15 minutes of fame she unwittingly sought.

 

“Madam, wetin happen?” One attendant arranging milk tins on the same aisle where she stood in shock asked.

 

Shaking her head, she uttered annoyingly “Just imagine! Una no go kill person here. See custard bucket wey I buy N520 last week, today na N980. Wetin be this sef?”

 

“Ah, madam no vex ooo. Na so we buy am for market.” The attendant replied, trying hard to hold the laughter forming creases on his face. As every other person bursted into a cacophony of laughter; including me and gathered to watch.

 

But she wasn’t done yet. “For this kain economy na him my pikin go dey chop like buffalo.” She said. “Ah, madam for this Buhari economy?!” The attendant replied with a bewildered look.

 

“Wetin I go do naw? Na small pikin. E no even know sey e too dey chop.” She lamented. Continuing she said “I done call him papa tell am sey the boy too dey chop like am. Na so e hask me who born am? E no even allow me talk, na so he come say, E no wan hear sey hunger kill him pikin, come cut phone.”

 

Now the scene became incredibly hilarious and even the shop attendant couldn’t hold himself anymore as he exploded in amusement and said. “Madam, try explain to am naa. Make am know sey things hard.” “Hmmm! For where?” She retorted. “Him grandmother say make I leave am to wack. Say na the one he chop he go carry grow…See now, e done finish one bowl of custard for one week. I done come to buy another one now, una price done go up.” “Madam no vex. Na so this Buhari economy be now.” The attendant replied sadly as left her to her devices.

 

Walking to the counter, I tried hard to suppress my laughter as I remembered Sunday Akoji’s countless warning in his posts, saying “Chop Wisely”.

 

 

You Were There

Some weeks ago, I wrote a poem- ‘Take Me With You’ which is currently below this post.

In the spirit of Valentine, I was spurred to write the sequel to it and here it is folks, the ‘Moment of Clarity and ‘Wondering what the hell I’ve been doing?’ poem- ‘You Were There’.

stan-poetry